I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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