I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
