If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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