Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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