It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
