I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
