Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
