He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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