You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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