she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
