I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
