I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
