It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
