he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
