ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
