Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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