Will you blow on my dice?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
