I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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