This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just gargled with NyQuil
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
