do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
