Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
