She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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