Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The Olympian is in my bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
