ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
