Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
