i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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