I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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