you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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