Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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