Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
