Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
