I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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