Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You need a sexual gate keeper
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
