I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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