my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize