Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
