my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
