whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
