If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
