wrigley field is MILF paradise
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
