Swine flu. Run for my life!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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