I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
