remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
