Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
