I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
