The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
