OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
