Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that