3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.