Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.