there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?