take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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