I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
