I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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