we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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