Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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