Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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