Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
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