i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
