I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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