I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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