I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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