its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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