There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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