when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
