should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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