woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
