I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
