its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
