Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize