she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I cockslap morals
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
