You surviving the open bar?
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My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
