yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
