i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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