i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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